Ten legendary incidents. Ten questionable punchlines. Every one approved by Beverly.
Log Ride
"Beverly always gets wet on Big Chuck's log ride."
Every spring, Chuck floats the season's biggest log down the mill creek. Part tradition, part questionable engineering.
Beverly rides Chuck's log like a parade queen, waving as it crashes through the rapids.
Chuck stays back, enjoying the view while Beverly gets soaked to the bone.
She's laughing so hard she can barely hold on.
"How's the ride?" Chuck hollers.
Beverly wipes the water from her eyes and grins.
"Not bad, Chuck. But next time, give me a bigger one."
Morning Wood
"Nothing gets Beverly up like Big Chuck's morning wood."
Five in the morning at the lumberyard.
Chuck's already got his coffee, the sun's barely up, and there's a monster log waiting for inspection.
He calls it his morning wood. Loudly. Every single day.
Beverly shows up with her clipboard, takes one look, and gives him that familiar smile.
"Well, Chuck. Somebody's up early."
Chuck grins over his coffee.
"Always got something ready for you, Bev."
She gives his wood a slow inspection.
"I can see that. Now let's find out if it's any good."
Measure Twice
"Beverly likes to know exactly how big Chuck's wood is."
Beverly's tape measure is legendary. Twenty-five feet of absolute authority.
Chuck once eyeballed a cut and wasted an entire old-growth beam.
She hasn't let him forget it.
Now she personally inspects the biggest logs in the yard, running her tape from one end to the other while Chuck stands nearby looking suspiciously proud.
"Well?" he asks.
Beverly checks the number, pulls the tape back, and measures again.
Chuck grins.
"Didn't believe it the first time?"
"Just making sure you weren't exaggerating. Again."
Tight Fit
"Beverly loves watching Chuck feed it into a tight fit."
The sawmill's biggest logs have always been a challenge.
Chuck insists he can feed anything through that opening.
Beverly insists he should probably check the size first.
One afternoon, Chuck rolls up with the biggest one Beverly's seen all week.
"Think it'll fit?" he asks.
She takes a good look.
"It's gonna be tight."
Chuck grins and starts easing it in.
"Slow down," Beverly says. "You've got plenty of time."
He makes a small adjustment.
"Like that?"
She smiles.
"See? I told you not to force it."
Deep Cut
"Beverly says Chuck always goes deep enough."
Some guys barely scratch the surface.
Not Chuck.
One afternoon, Chuck picks out a monster log that needs a particularly deep cut.
Beverly watches as he gets started.
"Deep enough?" he asks.
She tilts her head.
"Not quite."
Chuck goes a little further.
"Now?"
She considers it.
"A little more."
He takes his time.
When he's finally finished, Beverly gives his work one last inspection.
"See, Chuck? I knew you had it in you."
He's been smiling about that one ever since.
Full Load
"When Chuck delivers, it's always a full load."
Big Chuck Lumber Company has been delivering hardwood since 1992.
And Chuck has never believed in making two trips when one big delivery will do.
One morning, he pulls the company's big red logging semi out of the yard with a mountain of timber strapped behind him.
Beverly checks the paperwork, inspects the restraints, and gives the shipment her official approval.
Chuck leans out the driver's window.
"How do you like my load, Bev?"
She looks up at him, then glances back at the timber.
"Impressive, Chuck. Now let's see if you can deliver."
He grins.
"Oh, I'll deliver."
She gives him a little wave.
"I'll believe it when you get there."
Rodeo
"Big Chuck's Log Rodeo. Beverly always picks the biggest one."
Nobody remembers whose idea it was to build a mechanical bucking log.
Chuck claims it was his.
Beverly claims that explains a lot.
The contraption sits in the middle of the lumberyard, mounted on a giant spring, just waiting for somebody foolish enough to climb aboard.
Beverly takes one look at it.
"That's the biggest you've got?"
Chuck grins.
"You sure you can handle it?"
She climbs aboard.
"Why don't you find out?"
Things start slowly.
Then they get a little rougher.
Beverly hangs on, laughing the entire time.
Chuck watches, clearly impressed.
When it's finally over, she straightens her hard hat and looks at him.
"That all you got?"
Chuck just stares.
Beverly smiles.
"Next time, don't hold back."
How Much Wood
"How much wood can Big Chuck chuck? Enough to keep an eager beaver busy."
The question has followed Chuck his entire career.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?
His answer has always been the same.
"A lot."
One afternoon, determined to prove it, he hoists an enormous log overhead in the middle of the yard.
Beverly hops up on top like she's riding a parade float.
Chuck flexes.
Beverly looks down at him.
"That's a pretty big piece of wood you've got there, Chuck."
He grins.
"Told ya."
She gives the log an approving pat.
"You certainly know how to handle your wood."
Chuck looks more pleased with himself than ever.
"Been doing it for years, Bev."
"Well, don't stop on my account."
Smooth Finish
"Beverly makes it nice and smooth for Big Chuck."
The finishing station is Beverly's territory.
She likes things done slowly, carefully, and without missing a spot.
Chuck once tried to help.
There was an incident involving a belt sander.
He's mostly stayed out of her way since.
One afternoon, Beverly gets to work on a particularly rough beam.
Chuck watches with obvious admiration.
"Looking good, Bev."
She smiles without looking up.
"Patience, Chuck. You can't rush a job like this."
A little more pressure. A few careful passes.
Finally, she runs her paw along the surface.
"Now that's smooth."
Chuck grins.
"Got time for another?"
She looks up at him.
"For you, Chuck? Always."
Pile Driver
"Beverly loves watching Chuck drive it in deep."
Chuck had been looking forward to this job all week.
The lumberyard needed new foundation pilings, and he insisted on handling them himself.
"Watch a master," he told Beverly.
She grabbed her clipboard.
He took his position and got to work.
Beverly watched closely, marking each attempt.
After a while, Chuck glanced over.
"How am I doing?"
"Keep going."
He did.
When he finally finished, he looked thoroughly pleased with himself.
"Well, Bev? How'd I do?"
She looked over his work, then back at him.
"Not bad, Chuck. You've finally learned something."
He raised an eyebrow.
"It's not how hard you drive it," she said.
She leaned a little closer.
"It's knowing when you've gone deep enough."
Chuck's been bragging about that review ever since.
The Big Chuck Guarantee
At Big Chuck Lumber Company, Chuck handles the big jobs, Beverly handles the details, and somehow the lumber keeps moving.
Chuck's stories might get bigger every year, but one thing never changes:
Nothing leaves the yard without Beverly's seal of approval.
Big Chuck Lumber Company.
Delivering hardwood since 1992.